”You are not alone” - survivor’s message as demand for support climbs

As soon as Christmas decorations appear, the number of women and children seeking refuge from family violence begins to climb. 

That’s according to family violence support service Shine, which is expecting a busy Christmas ahead.

“The holiday period is traditionally our busiest time, but this year we anticipate one of the highest levels of demand yet, following a steady increase in women and children needing refuge throughout the year,” says Presbyterian Support Northern (PSN) Social Services GM, Grenville Hendricks.

Shine is part of PSN’s group of social services.

In 2024, 105 women and children stayed in Shine’s Auckland Central and North Shore refuges over the financial year. In 2025, that number rose by 61 to 166. Based on the number of women and children needing refuge so far this financial year, the 2026 total looks like it may be higher again. 

Hannah* was once one of those women seeking help. Few people knew about the violence she and her children endured, but she contacted Shine to share her story in the hope of inspiring others to seek help.

“By telling my story, I hope to help others experiencing family violence to realise ‘it is not just me’. I want to tell them - don't be afraid. You are not alone. There are people who will help you.” 

When she first met her ex-husband Mark*, she was impressed by his kindness and work ethic. 

“Before we got married, Mark would be so kind, carrying things for me, cooking for me… but even then, he could suddenly become violent - breaking the furniture and smashing my phone. Afterwards, he’d persuade me it wouldn't happen again… and I would believe him,” she says. 

Over time, his violence escalated. It became all encompassing: physical, mental and emotional. He monitored and controlled every aspect of her life, completely isolated her from her friends and family. If she tried to connect with anyone, he’d discover it by checking her phone and then using it to call and threaten them. 

During holiday times, Hannah and her two children were trapped inside with the curtains closed, unable to move freely or even use the toilet without permission. 

Mark’s behaviour worsened. The violence made it increasingly difficult for Hannah to work. 

At one point, he threatened Hannah with a chainsaw. 

“I was hurt to the point of numbness. I had no self-esteem. In photos from that time, I look completely different. I was dehumanised, day by day, year by year. It eventually got to the point where I didn't care whether I lived or died – it made no difference. I felt so small,” Hannah recalls.

The turning point came one night when Mark began strangling her.

“I thought that I was going to die. My baby daughter was right there. Then he just stopped and said, ‘I nearly killed you.’ At that moment, in my heart I knew this had to stop, if not for me, for my children. 

“I waited until he was asleep, went into my son's room and told him to pack his things - that we were going. I packed my baby daughter's things and called 111. The police came and took us to refuge. That first night in refuge, I had the best night’s sleep ever and there were no tears,” says Hannah. 

“Shine was amazing… My advocate arranged counselling for the children and I, a bank account, a car to get my son to school, a lawyer, clothing, food and later housing. When you have nothing, that means the world.”

Grenville Hendricks emphasises the urgency of these crisis situations. 

“Every woman and child deserves to be safe, but during the holidays, when families spend more time at home, those at risk are in extreme danger. That’s why our services are critical year-round, and especially now.” 

If you or someone you know is experiencing family violence, help is available 24/7.
Contact Shine on 0508 744 633 or visit 2shine.org.nz

To donate to the Shine Christmas appeal, visit: www.2shine.org.nz/donate 

* names changed to protect privacy.